


Love By Numbers

by Lynzee005



Category: Twin Peaks
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, First Time, Multiple Orgasms, Mutual Masturbation, One Shot, Orgasm, PWP, Secrets, Sex in cramped places, Shameless Smut, Sneaking Around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-08
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-09-07 05:23:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8784787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynzee005/pseuds/Lynzee005
Summary: Dale Cooper has been keeping a running tally of things that have happened between him and Audrey Horne since she first asked him to dance...





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SwiftSnowmane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwiftSnowmane/gifts).



> Just shameless, shameless smut. Any points of canon divergence...just ignore them. Focus on the smut, people. Focus. On. The. Smut.

^♢^

_Seven: the number of times Audrey had stepped on Dale's foot during the time they'd spent dancing around the Timber Room at the Great Northern._

_Twenty-two: the number of times Audrey apologized for stepping on Dale's feet._

_Three: the number of songs they'd danced to, back-to-back-to-back, without so much as a pause for refreshments._

_Six: the number of jokes Dale had told Audrey to distract himself from the scent of her perfume, only to be distracted by the sound of her laugh._

_Thirty: the number of minutes that had passed since she had first asked him to dance._

_Twenty nine-point-five: the number of minutes since he had, reluctantly, accepted._

_Twenty nine-point-four: the number of minutes since his hand had found the delicate curve of her back just beneath her shoulder blade, since her fingers had wrapped around his, since she'd stepped into his arms and he'd pulled her close and began to lead her around the floor to a soft, jazzy number, since he'd realized that he was fighting a losing battle._

_Eighteen: the number of minutes that had elapsed since they'd left the Timber Room via the double French doors that led to the covered verandah that wrapped around the hotel, ostensibly for "fresh air."_

_Four-hundred and sixty-six: the number of inappropriate thoughts Dale had had about Audrey in the intervening thirty minutes._

^♢^

_Thirty one minutes,_ Dale thought, watching as Audrey took a deep breath and sighed around her exhalation, leaning as she was over the rough-hewn railing and peering off over White Tail Falls, roaring away in the distant darkness a hundred feet beneath them.

_Four hundred and sixty seven_. 

He tore his eyes away from the swell of her backside and focused on the distance. _You should be ashamed of yourself._

"I used to love coming out here when I was a little girl," she said, her voice barely audible over the sound of the waterfall. "I'd sit on the ground here and dangle my feet over the edge and daydream..."

Dale joined her at the railing. He wasn't overly fond of heights; looking at the water as it dropped over the edge of the falls made him dizzy. Thinking about a young Audrey pushing her slim legs between the wooden posts of the guardrail, swinging her delicate saddle shoes over the precipitous drop as she watched the clouds float by above her head, was too much. His stomach bottomed out and he felt that familiar twinge of fear gripping him as he imagined her slipping, falling, tumbling to the rocks and water below.

"The whole hotel used to be my playground," she said. "I know all its secrets."

He didn't turn to look at her; he was too afraid of what might happen if he did. _The stars, the moonlight, the waterfall. I'd kiss her right here and that would be it._ For a moment he considered counting the stars now, or the planks of wood that made up the walkway, just so he'd have something to occupy his mind. To keep up the pretence of resistance: _"Look, sir, I did my best. I counted every needle on every branch of every Douglas fir as far as the eye can see, but this is Audrey Horne we're talking about, and you should have seen the way she..."_

But who was going to question him: Gordon? Harry? Benjamin Horne? How would they ever find out what transpired between consenting adults under cover of darkness? Who would have to know?

He angled his body over the edge of the railing. "Secrets are dangerous things," he intoned, not even realizing that he was repeating the thesis of their late night malt date from a handful of days earlier, or the irony of what he was proposing. _Between me, you, and the trees, Audrey Horne, I swear to you I would–_

He paused, shutting his eyes in shame. _Four hundred sixty-eight. Damn it, Dale! Get a grip..._

"I didn't tell you _all_ of my secrets," she said. 

He inhaled, the scent of pine in his nostrils. "Didn't you?" he asked. She was flirting with him. It was painfully obvious. But he wasn't about to stop her.

She looked down at her shoes. "There's one more," she told him. "Would you like to know it?"

Dale gulped and felt what remained of his good sense leave his body. _Very much so_ , he wanted to say but no words came out. She slid her small hand within his and pulled him away from the edge, past the doors they'd exited moments earlier, around the corner of the terrace to a small notched alcove in the outer wall. With deft fingers and a furtive glance in both directions up and down that side of the building, she unhitched a camouflaged latch and pushed on the wall. Dale watched as it gave way, leading to a darkened corridor behind it.

"Come on," she said, ducking into the low opening and pulling him behind. Dale's feet followed but his mind was somewhere else; before he knew it, he was letting the door _shush_ shut behind him, and finding himself standing in pitch blackness with Audrey's hand in his. There was no light, compared to the relative brightness of the terrace outside. Similarly, in the claustrophobic darkness, there was nothing to hear but their own breathing and his heartbeat thudding in his ears.

It was warm and felt somewhat damp, but perhaps that was simply the musty smell of stale air that surrounded them. As Dale's eyes adjusted, he saw that the corridor was only about the width of a doorway wide–maybe three feet, at best–with a low ceiling; he didn't have to duck his head but the ceiling was close enough that he almost felt compelled to do so anyway, and he guessed that would put the height at just over six feet.

In front of him, Audrey walked slowly but purposefully. "This way," she whispered, leading him along the corridor, as if on autopilot; secret passageways were apparently part of her playground too, and she knew these ones like the back of her hand. Dale had entirely lost track of where they were going, which direction they were facing, what part of the hotel they were in. There were no celestial bodies to navigate by. All he had was Audrey.

He squeezed her hand, putting all of his trust in her to lead him to wherever it was they were going.

"What is this?" 

"Service passages," Audrey whispered back. "Daddy said they were constructed so that the hotel guests would never have to see the repairmen and staff. It keeps up the illusion that the hotel runs itself." The derision in her voice left little to the imagination: she clearly thought better of the Great Northern's clientele than her father did. 

"Where do they go?"

"Everywhere," she replied. "This is the first floor. Main lobby is that way, kitchen is off around that corner." She was pointing as she talked, but none of the directionality made sense to him. He simply followed, slowing down when she slowed down, stopping when she put her hands out to touch the wall, feeling for another doorway. "Mind your step," she said as she pushed on a hidden panel and revealed a set of stairs leading to the upper floors.

"What's up here?"

"Guest rooms," she said, leading him over the threshold. 

_Guest rooms. Hotel rooms._ _My_ _hotel room. My hotel_ _bed_ _..._

Dale swallowed, his tongue thick and dry in his mouth. 

_Four hundred sixty-nine_... 

As he stepped into the cloistered stairwell, the clumsy toe of his right shoe scuffed against the raised edge of a floorboard; in a panic, he reached forward, and felt his hand land against Audrey's hip.

She stood stock-still on the stair above him, still holding his other hand in hers, her arm stretched out behind her. For a moment, he didn't dare move, or breathe, or utter a single sound. He'd gained his footing; he had his balance back. There was no reason for him to be holding her, pressing his fingertips into the fabric of her skirt, feeling in great detail the stitching along the seam and the elastic band of her undergarments beneath it. Reflexively, instinctively, his hand closed tightly, pressing into her skin. 

“Are you okay?” she asked finally.

“Mmm,” he uttered, wordless and thankful for it since he had no chance of being coherent. He took a step forward; Audrey did too. 

He still hadn’t removed his hand from her hip. She stepped ahead of him, slowly, the languid swing of her hips as she walked making him temporarily forget where he was—an easy task seeing as how he didn’t exactly know where he was at all, save for the immediate fact that he was two steps behind Audrey Horne, swimming in a wake of her warmth and the scent of her perfume.

_Twenty: the number of stairs I climbed with my hand resting intimately around Audrey’s right hip…_

As they reached the landing and level ground once again, several steps from from the top of the stairs, Audrey halted. Dale’s breathing grew rapid and harsh as he came to stand against her back, feeling the warmth of her against his torso. He scarcely had to incline his head to bring him into contact with the top of hers, her soft ebony hair tickling his nose as he ghosted over it, taking in her scent. 

She pulled his hand, ensconced in hers, across her other hip and splayed it out along her midsection, her hand resting atop his, pushing it over her belly. 

_An invitation…_

Dale’s voice was as thick as his tongue, rasping as it wrenched from the back of his throat. “Audrey—?”

She turned slowly, careful about the limited space and the still darkness around them. With her back against the wall behind her, and his back against the wall behind him, there was scarcely enough room to breathe. But with his hands against her and only a few inches to fill, he started to pull her towards him only to be surprised by her arms around his shoulders as she, instead, pulled him towards her. They came together seamlessly, Audrey rising on her tiptoes and tilting her chin to meet his lips as they crashed down against hers. 

Dale’s head swam, the heady waters of lust making it hard to function except in the most automatic of senses. Audrey's lips parted and he paused but a moment before invading, pushing past and delving into the warm softness of her mouth. She tasted of peppermint, and her tongue was cold. The little sounds she made as he slid deeper spurred him on, and he slanted his mouth across hers; when he pulled back, momentarily, for a breath, she grazed her teeth along his lower lip, pulling him back in even deeper.

Audrey’s hands unclasped from around his neck and rained their way down his body, lingering against his pectorals and running slowly, agonizingly, across his abdominals before settling against the front of his trousers. Dale groaned, a fire coiling in his lower belly as she worked her deft fingers around the clasp of his belt buckle. He hazarded a glance, but could see nothing in the darkness save the soft glint of metal as she flung the buckle open and released the top button. The sound of his zipper fly being lowered followed that, and never before had Dale ever heard a more arousing sound in his life. His breath caught in his throat and he leaned his forehead against hers as she slipped her hand between the waistband of his boxers and the warm skin of his stomach, then lower still until she had the hard length of him in her hand.

Dale’s head fell to her shoulder as she began stroking, base to tip, within the constricted space between them. He pushed one hand into the wall beside them; the other palmed her breast, bound tightly within her bra and the suit jacket she was wearing. He wanted so desperately to feel her against him, fully. He kissed a line from her earlobe to her shoulder.

“Do you like this?” she purred against the cup of his ear.

Dale could do little but grunt in response as the stimulation nearly proved too much for him. As Audrey continued her machinations, the coil tightened and he felt himself pushed ever closer to the edge. 

He didn’t want it to end like this.

With a guttural growl, Dale hauled Audrey into his arms and pushed her against the wall behind her, her skirt lifting over her hips as her thighs parted and she hooked her knees around his waist. Settled as he was between her legs, his erection pressed intimately against the fabric of her panties; the cool air of the hidden passageway gave way to delicious heat as he ground himself against her. 

Audrey locked her ankles behind his back. One of her shoes clattered to the hallway floor. Dale slid his hand between them and grasped the edge of her underwear, shoving it to the side, granting him access. Audrey’s head lolled back, knocking against the wall and exposing her throat, a gleaming white line of pale skin that Dale assaulted mercilessly with his lips and his tongue and teeth as he slipped two fingers deep inside her.

She cried out and bore down, tightening her muscles around his fingers as he scissored them within her. Her wetness was evident, but he couldn’t help himself. She circled her arms around his neck, fisting his jacket in her hand as he continued to curl and uncurl his digits. His name was on her lips, a divinatory chant that came harsher and faster as he moved. 

Feeling her hands and arms tighten around his neck, her breath hitching, her voice rising in feverish pitch, he continued to pump. Beneath his lips, he felt her pulse quicken

“Come for me, Audrey,” he whispered against the juncture of her neck and her shoulder. She gasped; he ran his thumb over her clit, and she trembled in his arms. She was close.

With one quick motion he pulled his hand out and gripped himself, positioning the tip of his cock at her opening and marvelling at how easy it was to push himself deep within her, her wet arousal so evident. With his first thrust, Audrey came unglued; she shattered completely by the second, a mess of shaking limbs and quivering muscles that brought him right back to the edge himself. It wasn’t long before he joined her, emptying himself inside as her inner walls clenched around him, milking him dry. 

As their breathing evened out and Dale’s senses returned to him, he pressed a soft kiss to Audrey’s temple. She giggled against his ear. 

“I hope no one heard us,” she whispered.

The thought hadn’t crossed Dale’s mind, but now it made his blood run cold, the thought of being heard, of being caught; their absence from the wedding downstairs would have been conspicuous. Surely someone had noticed. “Is that possible?” he asked. “Could we get caught?”

She giggled again. “Who would care enough to catch us?” she asked, echoing his rationalization from out on the terrace, however many minutes ago; it was disconcerting that he had lost count. 

But there were other things he wouldn’t lose count of…

^♢^

Laying in his bed, under the thin hotel sheets, with Audrey snuggled against his side, Cooper counted off another set of numbers.

_Five: the number of minutes that had passed since their last sexual entanglement._

_Four: the average time in minutes that it took for Audrey to reach climax._

_Three: the total number of times they’d come together since leaving the Milford festivities._

_Two: the number of breakfasts, including coffee, that Cooper would no doubt order from room service the next morning._

_One: the number of times he’d whispered his secret—that the thing he wanted and the thing he needed were not so different after all, that they were both right here in his arms—against Audrey’s hair as she drifted off to sleep…_

^♢^

**Author's Note:**

> This is based very loosely on an exciting scavenger hunt I actually went on through the secret passageways of my old high school...unfortunately, it didn't end with any handsome older men screwing me senseless, which is one reason why I wrote this piece. The other is because the ever-lovely SwiftSnowmane requested some good ol' fashioned Coop/Audrey smut, and who am I to turn down a request like that? XD


End file.
